Tuesday, 20 December 2011

Uyaina is a poet. :D

Hello hollow halo yellow shallow fellow cello pillow! haha.. Try to say that fast people! :D
Ok.. I am supposed to study now... But yeah.. My not-so-nerd side of me asked for a break.. Dang tired of studies..books...debates...laws..statutes...cases...blablbablablabla... I don't know why I'm taking up law in the first place..So, don't let me start.. ANYWAYYYYYY.... (haha)

Today is our another buddy-meet session.. My buddies are coolest buddies of all. We have, Im ( the macho, handsome,dropdeadgorgeous fella), we have Kak MIn ( the beautiful, lanky, model-like, Hindustani look hot mama), Azim ( the blur, sleepy eyes, funny, but sometimes an unpredictable person), Kuwa ( our tough palapes, smart, shy shy cat (miow!) haha), Arai ( the skinny but eats a lot monster and super nice), Ika (damn hot weyh! Cute, soft, and most importantly, Matt's. hehehe!), Amar ( no adjectives available ;P) and there's me. I love my buddies so much! Up to the point that though I have a freaking torts test tomorrow, I still wanna hangout with them today.. hehe.. We're planning to watch MI today.. And we're supposed to watch at 11. But yeah.. It's Tom Cruise.. So it's not shocking to see a stretching long line at the cinema. So we end up watching my sugar daddy( Tom Cruise babbyyyyy!) at 4. huuuuuu! I have to re-plan my schedule. So yeah.. I'm gonna start studying at 8 tonight.. Until God knows when.. Most probably I'm gonna sleep again tonight.. God I miss Good night sleeps.. :(

So, what's the motive of this entry again? Ouh yeah.. I wanna post a poem actually.. Only those who have the same thinking as mine will understand to whom I dedicate this poem to .. And what it is about.. :)
So here it goes.

(Sepetember 2011)
I remember the time when we were perfect strangers..
I knew your presence..and you knew mine too..
Only heys and hellos.. And sometimes plain goodbyes..
Little did I know, we're gonna be so close..

(May 2011)
My heart was broken.. Shattered into pieces..
My days were gloomy, murky and vague..
That's when i vowed, never will I again..
The pain was unbearable, what can I say?

(November 2011)
But a wise friend attended my sorrow..
Slapped in my face, shout with disgrace..
You are stupid, stupid and stupid..
I know you're inside, timidly hiding rather than to face..

What's to life if you're sad?
What's to life if you're not living?
What about the people that's peeking on you?
Eager to know, dying to get to know..

Thank you mate, for the brilliant shake..
Though it's a mishmash of jumbled emotions to fake.
Your slap, your shouts, your wise words..
Made me realized what I have missed.

(December 2011)
So here I am..
Trying to cross the line..Reaching to the other side..
I thought I was alone..
Till you came, grab my hand.. And say let's go..

I like it now..
I like it how swift you touched my heart..
I like it how you're afraid of commitments..
I like it cause I know I'm sick of one..

I like it when you're honest..
I like it when you're cold...
I like it when we knew it..
I like it when we hide it from others..

I am a free bird.. Soaring high..
Reaching the glaring sun.. The gallant moon..
I am an agile fish..
Swimming the deepest ocean I seek..Dancing in the water i pick..

So yeah.. that's the end of it...
P/s: this post was supposed to be made semalam semalam..but yeah.. Internet dkt Um nie kelaka.. ^^

Monday, 12 December 2011

I love you, kakak!

Achooo! achoo! ACHOOOOOOOOOOO! I'm not feeling well.. Hari nie tak pergi kelas pon.. I'm just feeling so lethargic.. Maybe it's because of yesterday's program kot.. We played snow! hehe.. My younger brothers and sisters( cousins actually, but i love to call them my brothers n sisters), they were all so thrilled..( Ok.. fine! me too.haha) It was freezing in there! Though I know it's nothing compared to the real winter.. But yeah, IT WAS FUN PEOPLE! hehe.. That was surely my first experience.. And to be sharing it with my family (though Ummi, n my big brothers were not there last night) but, my aunts (hala yah n hala anat) made it seemed like kakak and I are a part of their family.. I just love them so freaking much! :) And ouh yeah, I forgot to mention, we went to I-city je.hahahhaa.. 

Now I would like to talk about my beloved sister.. Saidatul Najla Umaira bt Arshad. Do you know that she's the most wonderful sister in the whole wide world? Yes, she is my one and only sister and I love her to bits! hehe.. I don't know whether or not she reads my un-popular blogt.. But It doesn't matter..

Dear kakak, 
I just wanna say thanks for being my sister.. I know I'm dang annoying( bising2 dkt telinge kakak, Curi pakai baju kakak(kasut jugak), saje2 gedik dkt kakak) and all the ways possible to make you feel irritated. That's how little sisters behave I believe.. hehe! It feels like we're growing up too fast right? I just can't believe you've been proposed by someone.. Where did time go? Do you still remember the time when we used to mandi together? And after that, we'll be playing train-train(because there was only one towel.haha). Do you still remember the time we played ribut melanda? haha.. You were(i mean, are) tiny, and there's me, gigantic and all. haha.. And when I roll.over you, you were like.. 'Yana...cepat laa...rasa nak mati dahhh....!" hahaha.. Good old times eh? Good old times.. And and and, do you still remember how identical we used to be? People always said that we're twins! haha.. And I kinda like it you know! How cool can cool be to have a twin sister?hehe! All our clothes will be identical. Add up with our curly hair.. Fair skin.. Who wouldn't have mistaken us as twins? hihi!

And now...here we are.. In our teen souls.. We're about to enter a whole 'nother phase in life.. We're no longer lil kids.. Though I know I'm still not growing up inside..And kakak, do you know that I'm always jealous of you..? You're so polite.. Soft.. Loveable.. You have beautiful skin and hair.. You're petite.. And you look younger! haha... Now, people will always think that I'm the elder sister.. Which is not fair! But never mind.. I have gotten used to it..(Thank God you're my sister.*clenched fist*haha!). 

Just so you know that  I am so happy for you! And I know you're happy too... They say, eyes do not lie.. And your eyes didn't. I see how you glowed.. Each and everytime our family (especially me and Aizzat) sakat-ing both of you.. Though being bombarded by us, both of you can still smile, laugh along and sucked it all up. haha.. I am very happy for you big sister! And to be honest, I can't wait to be your bridesmaid. You are going to be one BREATHTAKINGLY BEAUTIFUL bride!! And I'm gonna be one head-turning, mind-blowing, hot, bridesmaid!( haha... Don't ask me why my adjectives lagy bnyk than hers. LOL.) hehe.. I love you kakak! And I can't wait for you to get married with Abg Fendy.. Have pretty kids, cherish each and everyday together, and grow old together. I'm praying the best for you big sister! 

And I just wanna tell you how lucky you are.. Having to get married early.. Having to have a very wonderful mother and father in laws, having Ohti Na, Abg Iman, Lala, Boboy, Abg Ehsan, Kak Alia, and Amar as your very own family.. You are one lucky gal do you know that? hehe.. I'm so happy for you.. I wish that you'll have a perfect life ahead.. And no matter what, I'm still gonna be your annoying lil sister.. hehe! I'm just hoping the best for you.. Because I love you kakak! 

And your ex is one stupid guy. Sorry to bring it up here. But, he really doesn't deserve you. He is stupid enough to let go of you.. Very stupid. But, you know, I think there's a reason behind all this. And the reason is, you wouldn't have been in a relationship with Abg Fendy if you're still with him, right? And to be honest, I like Abg Fendy more than him. hehhe! So yes, you do get my blessing! haha! And I'm learning something as well form your life kakak... It doesn't mean that the person you've planned to get married with will be the person you're gonna marry.. I love you kakak!

So this is me, single and happy.. Having a wonderful family, awesome friends, a crush(haha.LOL :P), and the fact that I'm still breathing.. I am so grateful and thankful because God gave me a chance to live.. So that I can experience more about life.. I'm becoming more positive these days.. I don't know what made me, but I'm loving this. Love it!

So, that's all for my entry this time.. It's dedicated to my beloved sister.. And a lil bit touch about myslef... :) Toodles people!

Friday, 9 December 2011

You! Yes you!

*ok tajuk macam tak ade kaitan sangat*

Hello people!It's been ages since the last time updated this blog right? Can you see the spider webs here and there?hehe.. Go away spideys! :) So, how y'all been doing? I hope you're doing just fineeeee~ By the way, I think I'll be updating this blog more often.. I have a reason to do so now.. Though I don't know whether you'll be reading this or not.. But who cares? I'm still gonna 'write'. So yeah.. Naseha Uyaina is back people! LOL

So, time flies so fast isn't it? It feels like I have just entered UM yesterday (Ok, that's too much of a hyperbola. But yeah. Time flies so fast, that's my point). I finally think that I'm able to cope with UM's cruelty, heartless, and murderous environment. I think that I can now breathe right. I can sleep well at night. I'm enjoying myself here. Praise to God!!!

We are like total nerds I tell you! Who studies from 8 pm in the evening up till 7 in the morning? For 3 freaking days? Hell yeah we did. And we only slept for like... 2 hours at noon? Not kidding weyh! And some other days, we will(at least me and two of my friends will) open up the books and swallow each and every words existed. At times (most of the time, actually) we will debate about certain things, about the cases, about the laws, about how to answer the freaking questions. And to my suprise, I really enjoyed it. Pink corner is THE place to study. You can flirt and study at the same time. HAHA.  Kidding. We put our nose on the grindstone and go the extra mile for our exams. And I'm not joking. If Ummi knows what I've been doing here, she would have said, "Bagus nye anak ummi nie.. Ummi bangga dengan Yana.. Regardless of what you'll get for your exams because I know you have studied hard and do your best". And yes ummi.. I'm doing my best here.. Trying to survive.. Scoring.. My Torts lecturer said we did pretty good in our test the other day.. And I've got my first Contracts test result.. Though I' not the highest scorer in my batch, but second best is not that bad is it? Alhamdullilah.. Am struggling and aiming for the best.. Please God help me in this. I wish I can hit the highest score in my next test as well as my final exams.. Ameen..

But still..despite all that, my biggest concern right now is Family Law... You have no idea how hard it is.. It's even harder than Add Maths (Ok fine.. Almost as hard as Add math. Fine. Add Math is harder. ) If you get what I mean? I'm really really worried about this subject. I don't wanna fail and have to repeat this paper.. I really don't want to. God please help me..

So that's all about my studies.And regarding other things.. As I said earlier.. I'm enjoying myself here.. I finally realised that I can live on my own.. You have no idea how it feels like.. I am really really happy! Hope this happiness gonna last forever! Having to know the fact that I'm still in the market. LOL.:D No no no. What I mean is, having to know the fact that there is (or is it are.?) still someone that cares and concerns about diri ini. hahaha... I'm being everyone's friend right now! I mingle around.. Get to know people.. And get to know you and you and you.. Life is not so boring after all! hehe.. 

I believe Um has changed my perspective about life.. About living.. About love.. About friends.. About surviving.. I think God has finally answered my prayers.. And I'm sorry God for not being a good and faithful servant of yours.. I'll improve myself in the future.. I'll let go of my past.. And start anew and fresh. For a better me. And I'm gonna love myself first before I love someone and being loved. That's my promise. 

So...I'm gonna hit the bed now. Shleeeppyyyyyyy! hehe.. Nite2 people!

Saturday, 19 November 2011


This is a lion.
This is a cow.
This is a tortoise.
This is a spider.
This is an elephant.

Tuesday, 8 November 2011


Boy: I broke up with her.

His Best Friend: What happened?

Boy: She’s just too much for me.

His Best Friend: What makes you say that? What did she do wrong?

Boy: Well,...for one.. She only cared about her appearance. Always had to look good, always took forever to get dressed! So insecure..

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she wanted to keep your eyes
locked on her? She wanted you to see that you have the prettiest girl
under your sleeve and not think otherwise? I see..

Boy: Oh.. Well.. She’d often call me or text me asking where I am, who I’m with, telling me not to smoke, not to drink. She’s so clingy!

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she cares about your well being? Because she cares about you a lot? And her greatest fear is losing you. I see..

Boy: But..Uhh.. Well, she’d always cry when I say something slightly mean. She can’t handle anything. She’s a crybaby!

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she has feelings? And because she just wanted to hear you say you love her? I see..

Boy: I.. Well! You know, she’d get jealous easily. I could barely talk to other girls! She’s so annoying! I had to hide it from her.

His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she just wanted you to commit to her? She thought you were faithful, but you lied so she could find out later and hurt even more? She just wanted the guy she loves the most to love only her. I see..

Boy: Well, she..

His Best Friend:You broke up with her
because she’s good for you? She just wanted the best for you? She’s
broken now because you were selfish. Are you proud?

Boy: I broke her heart.. Because I couldn’t see what was happening.. What happened to me?

His Best Friend: You lost the girl that loved you like no one else could. You see? You didn’t want her when all she ever wanted was you. THAT’S
what happened..

Saturday, 15 October 2011

Hush, hush, dear heart..

I never needed you to be strong
I never needed you for pointing out my wrongs
I never needed pain
I never needed strain
My love for you was strong enough, you should have known
I never needed you for judgment
I never needed you to question what I spend
I never asked help
I take care of myself
I don't know why you think you've got a hold on me
And it's a little late for conversations
There isn't anything for you to say
And my eyes hurt, hands shiver
So look at me and listen to me

I don't want to stay another minute
I don't want you to say a single word
Hush hush; hush hush
There is no other way I get the final say
I don't want to do this any longer
I don't want you
There's nothing left to say
Hush hush; hush hush
I've already spoken
Our love is broken
Baby, hush hush

I never needed your corrections
On everything from how I act to what I say
I never needed words
I never needed herds
I never needed you to be there everyday
I'm sorry for the I let go
Of everything I wanted when you came along
But I am never beaten,
Broken up, defeated
I know next to you is not where I belong
And it's a little late for explanations
There isn't anything that you can do
And my eyes hurt, hands shiver
So you listen when I say

I don't want to stay another minute
I don't want you to say a single word
Hush hush; hush hush
There is no other way I get the final say
I don't want to stay another minute
I don't want you to say a single word
Hush hush; hush hush
There is no other way I get the final say
I don't want to do this any longer
I don't want you
There's nothing left to say
Hush hush; hush hush
I've already spoken
Our love is broken
Baby, hush hush

First I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side
But I spent oh so many nights thinking how you did me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to carry on

Hush Hush; Hush Hush

I've already spoken
Our love is broken

Oh no, now I,
I will survive
As long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live,
I've got all my love to give
And I will survive
I will survive

Hush Hush; Hush Hush

There is no other way I get the final say

I don't want to do this any longer
I don't want you
There's nothing left to say
Hush hush; hush hush
I've already spoken
Our love is broken
Baby, hush hush

Thursday, 6 October 2011


I am strong.. I am going to survive.. I am going to be happy.. I am going to be loved.. I am going to find someone who wants to be with me for who I am.. I am going to find someone who loves me unconditionally. I am going to survive 4 years of law school. I am going to succeed in my studies. I am going to be the best student. I am not gonna have to repeat. I am going to be a legal consultant.. I am positive of myself.. I am determined.. I am not going to trouble myself for anyone no more.. I am going to put me as my top most priority. I am going to study hard. I am going to prove to those stink mouths that they are wrong. I am going to show them that I am good. I am going to prove to myself that I am good.

Friday, 26 August 2011

Jom Tacing.

Jadi, tajuk nye pon dah berbaur bakal nak banjir.. Tacing tacing.. Macam macam bende yg berlaku lately nie rase nak tacingggggggggggggggg je... Mmg la tgh bendera merah.. Tapi sebelom tuu pon memang asyik nak tacing.. Mungkin memang orang yg 'menacing' aku tuuu yang betol betol buat ak tacing.. Tak pon aku memang sengaje nak menacing nacing kan diri.. Haih... Ok2.. Biar ak story mory dengan engkau orang sume sebab sebab ak tacing menacing ditacing bagai nie..

Pertama sekali..  Aku kan.. Bile time bulan puase.. Tambah tambah lagi bile dah nak raya... Aduhai.. *sebak sebak*  Time time macam nie la teringat kat arwah ayah aku.. And know what? The saddest thing is, I don't even remember aku pernah sambut raya dengan ayah aku.. Sumpah.. Aku tak ingat langsung.. Aku start ingat sambut raya bile dah pindah dok kat kuala kangsar... Raya rumah atok nenek aku kat sini.. Kan best kalau aku ade memori menyambut syawal bersamanya.. Dah macam Ramadhan Terakhir pulak gaya aku nie kan.. Well.. Hope memang nie bukan Ramadhan terakhir laa.. Tapi, aku tak ingat langsung berhari raya dengan ayah aku.. Sebab aku kecik comel lote sangat waktu tuu kot.. Membuat kan ingatan aku tiada untuk memori tersebut.. huhu.. Kau orang semua yang ade ayah nie.. Best la.. Time nie lah nak bodek banyak banyak kan.. Nak tuu laa.. Nak nie laa.. Manja manja gituuuu~ (dah macam lagu gula-gula 'suka gitu' pulak.hahaha!). Aku manja manja ngan ummi aku je.. Tapi best jugak! hehe.. But korang faham kan? (tak sama woh..) No no no.. It's never the same.. Aku rase.. Last memori aku with him adalah sewaktu dia bawak aku stroll on Auckland street.. Kitorang cadang nak jog at that time.. Tapi disebabkan aku nie gedik.. Tak jadi.. Jalan jalan je.. huhu.. Ini serius... Cerita betol nie.. Aku ingat lagy.. Time tu petang.. Dy ngan aku je.. Kakak abang abang ummi aku tak tahu gi mane petang tu.. Tapi aku ingat dy ngan aku je waktu pi jalan jalan ( jalan jalan menggunakan kaki bukan naek kereta bagai). Sweet kan? *bertambah sebak* huhu.. And before before tu semua, aku ingat yang aku penah kene marah dengan dy sebab time tu dy suruh aku letak minyak dekat tulang kering dy tuu.. Sakit kata nye.. Aku pon dengan bersemangat ketuk ketuk botol minyak dekat kaki dy.. Memang lah sakit lagy jawab nye kan... So, kene marah.. LOL (^.^) And and and.............. Aku still ingat time dy bawak abang abang kakak gi swimming.. Aku kene tinggal dengan ummi kat rumah sebab time tuu aku tido *krohhh krohhh* Bangun bangun je.. Aku tros gi cari kakak n abang abang aku.Tengok tak de. Aku pon gi la cari ummi.. Ummi kate baba bawak dyorang semua g swimming kat base. Aku tacing la sebab kene tinggal... huuuu. And aku ingat the next day dy bawak aku pulak ( dengan abang abang n kakak sume la.sebok btol). Konon konon sebab aku x dapat pergi semalam tuu la... hehe.. And aku ingat aku dapat pelampung tangan kaler oren. haha... Aku sukeeeeeeeeeeee sangat pelampung tuu.. Sekarang nie.. Dah tak tahu mane pergi. *sobsob* And aku ingat lagy time duduk kat rumah kerajaan kat lumut dulu.. Kitorang semua tido dalam satu bilik.. Ade 3 katil sambung dekat dekat. So kite orang tido panjang panjang laa.. And i remember malam malam dy mesti duduk atas katil and tengok kitorang semua dah tido ke belom.. Intai intai siape yang belom tido.. I don't know why but I think it's funny and cute jugak. hehe.. Banyak jugak memori with him yang aku ingat.. Sumpah aku ingat lagy bende2 nie semua.. Tapi kenape raya dengan dy je aku tak ingat.Terpulang kau orang nak percaye ke x... And aku still ingat on the day he passed away tuu.. Ade uncle omputih nie, kawan baba dtg naek kerete macam 4wheel drive tu stop depan rumah and amek ummi and kitorang semua.. Time kecik kecik dulu.. Bile orang tanye pasal ayah aku je.. Aku mesti sedih and marah.. Kenape nak tanye. Sebok je.. Aku tak suke orang tanye.. Maybe sebab aku sedih kott.. But then.. As I grew older.. Aku jadi okay okay je pasal bende nie.. Orang tanye pon aku dah boleh senyum and cerite.. :) Aku siap tunjuk keratan akhbar lagy.. kehkeh.. So sambung cerite pasal memori nie.. Aku ingat lagy bile sampai je kat malaysia and balik sungai kecik nak kebumikan ayah aku.. Aku ingat lagy jenazah dy terbaring dekat tengah tengah rumah Tok Wan( atok aku belah ayah).. And time tuu aku pakai baju kurung kaler merah.. Jady ( atok aku belah ummi) datang and dukung aku.. And since then, aku dah anggap Jady macam ayah aku dah.. And Jady pon selalu membangga bangga kan aku depan semua orang kate aku nie " cucu kesayangan dy". huuuu.

Keduanya.. Bile dah teringat dekat arwah.. Aku mula lah sedih gyle.. Teringat dekat dosa dosa yang aku buat.. Banyak nye tak terkire.. Aku tahu dy dalam kubur nie mesti menangis tengok keadaaan aku.. Apa yang aku buat semua.. Mesti dy sedih.. Sebab tuu sekarang nie.. Aku dah nekad dalam hati aku.. Aku tak nak ulang kesilapan and dosa yang sama aku pernah buat.. Aku tak nak dy sedih and terima saham aku.. Ini serius.. Ak nekad dalam diri aku.. 

Ketignya.. Sekarang nie... Aku sedih tengok ummi aku nie.. Dah berape lama hidup sensorang.. Aku kalau boleh memang nak dy kawen je.. Tapi tuu lah.. Dy macam dah xd jodoh dengan orang laen selain ayah aku.. Almost 15 years.. Dy selalu cakap kat aku.. Dy tak de harta lain selain anak anak dy.. Aku nangis time tu jugak kau tahu. Banjir . T_T And dy kate, dy berazam dalam diri dy lepas arwah ayah aku meninggal tuu, dy nak bagi anak anak dy pendidikan.. Macam mane pon.. huhu.. Alhamdulilah.. Abang abang aku dah menjadi.. Sekarang nie tinggal aku ngan kakak je.. Insyallah kitorang pon nak buat dy bangga jugak.. Tapi kan.. Aku ingat lagy.. Time sem 2 ak pressure gyle.. Dy kate kat aku.. " Sem 1 yana boleh pon dapat 4flat.. Sem 2 nie macam mane pon ummi nak jugak yana 4flat sekali lagy. Yana mesti boleh punye laa". Tengok tengok dapat dapat je result sem 2 ade slack.. Tak dapat lah aku 4flat lagy.. Overall CGPA 3.95. Frust nye kau tak kan faham. When you're very close to achieve something that you can even smell it, but you fail, rse dy mcm kene hempap dengan orang gemok je.Aku sedih.. Bukan sebab aku tak bersyukur.. Tapi sebab aku dah let down dy.. Time UPSR aku 4A. PMR aku 8A. SPM aku  7A. Semua aku slack.. Tak de yang membanggakan langsung macam abang aku. So, bile time asasi aku nie bersinar sinar dengan tibe tibe nya, dy sangat lah happy. Tapi tu lah.. Aku cerite kat orang ak sedih tak xdapat 4flat again.. Semua kate aku bongkak. Tak bersyukur bagai. Orang yang aku cerite pon dok kate aku tak bersyukur siap bertweet lagy.. Mane tak tacing weyh? :(    

And yang berikut nya.. Aku sedih dengan orang yang dengan aku.. Dah lama xkontek.. Padahal dah promise best friends forever nie.. Hisyy... Sedih tahu x.? Kontek pon macam xpayah je.. Faham x maksud aku? Aku
pon tak faham maksud aku. Dah la.. Penat pikir pasal kau. Buek! 

So, hari nie aku just nak cer pasal aku banyak tacing.. To the very few people that read this blog, Thank you for your time.. :) And hari nie aku nak buat tulisan kaler turquoise sebab baju raye aku kaler dy ala ala kaler nie.

Wednesday, 29 June 2011

What the modern woman wants

The old woman sat in the backseat of the magenta convertible as it careened down
the highway, clutching tightly to the plastic bag on her lap, afraid it may be
kidnapped by the wind.

She was not used to such speed, with trembling hands she pulled the seat belt
tighter but was careful not to touch the patent leather seats with her callused
fingers, her daughter had warned her not to dirty it, 'Fingerprints show very
clearly on white, Ma.'

 Her daughter, Bee Choo, was driving and talking on her sleek silver mobile
phone using big words the old woman could barely understand.

'Finance', 'Liquidation', 'Assets', 'Investments'... Her voice was crisp and
important and had an unfamiliar lilt to it.

 Her Bee Choo sounded like one of those foreign girls on television. She was
speaking in an American accent. The old lady clucked her tongue in

'I absolutely cannot have this. We have to sell!' Her daughter exclaimed
agitatedly as she stepped on the accelerator; her perfectly manicured
fingernails gripping onto the steering wheel in irritation.

'I can't DEAL with this anymore!' she yelled as she clicked the phone shut and
hurled it angrily toward the backseat. The mobile phone hit the old woman on the
forehead and nestled soundlessly into her lap. She calmly picked it up and
handed it to her daughter.

 'Sorry, Ma,' she said, losing the American pretence and switching to Mandarin.
'I have a big client in America . There have been a lot of problems.'

 The old lady nodded knowingly. Her daughter was big and important.

 Bee Choo stared at her mother from the rear view window, wondering what she was
thinking. Her mother's wrinkled countenance always carried the same cryptic

The phone began to ring again, an artificially cheerful digital tune, which
broke the awkward silence.

'Hello, Beatrice! Yes, this is Elaine.'

Elaine. The old woman cringed. I didn't name her Elaine. She remembered her
daughter telling her, how an English name was very important for 'networking',
Chinese ones being easily forgotten.

 'Oh no, I can't see you for lunch today. I have to take the ancient relic to
the temple for her weird daily prayer ritual.'

Ancient Relic. The old woman understood perfectly it was referring to her. Her
daughter always assumed that her mother's silence meant she did not comprehend.

 'Yes, I know! My car seats will be reeking of joss sticks!'

The old woman pursed her lips tightly, her hands gripping her plastic bag in
defence. The car curved smoothly into the temple courtyard. It looked almost
garish next to the dull sheen of the ageing temple's roof.

The old woman got out of the back seat, and made her unhurried way to the main
hall. Her daughter stepped out of the car in her business suit and stilettos and
reapplied her lipstick as she made her brisk way to her mother's side.

 'Ma, I'll wait outside.. I have an important phone call to make,' she said, not
bothering to hide her disgust at the pungent fumes of incense.

The old lady hobbled into the temple hall and lit a joss stick, she knelt down
solemnly and whispered her now familiar daily prayer to the Gods.

'Thank you God of the Sky, you have given my daughter luck all these years.
Everything I prayed for, you have given her. She has everything a young woman in
this world could possibly want.

'She has a big house with a swimming pool, a maid to help her, as she is too
clumsy to sew or cook. Her love life has been blessed; she is engaged to a rich
and handsome angmoh man.

'Her company is now the top financial firm and even men listen to what she
says... She lives the perfect life. You have given her everything except
happiness. I ask that the gods be merciful to her even if she has lost her roots
while reaping the harvest of success.

 'What you see is not true, she is a filial daughter to me. She gives me a room
in her big house and provides well for me. She is rude to me only because I
affect her happiness. A young woman does not want to be hindered by her old
mother. It is my fault.'

 The old lady prayed so hard that tears welled up in her eyes. Finally, with her
head bowed in reverence she planted the half-burnt joss stick into an urn of
smoldering ashes.

 She bowed once more. The old woman had been praying for her daughter for
thirty-two years. When her stomach was round like a melon, she came to the
temple and prayed that it was a son.

Then the time was ripe and the baby slipped out of her womb, bawling and
adorable with fat thighs and pink cheeks, but unmistakably, a girl. Her husband
had ticked and punched her for producing a useless baby who could not work or
carry the family name.

 Still, the woman returned to the temple with her new-born girl tied to her
waist in a sarong and prayed that her daughter would grow up and have everything
she ever wanted.

 Her husband left her and she prayed that her daughter would never have to
depend on a man. She prayed every day that her daughter would be a great woman,
the woman that she, meek and uneducated, could never become.

A woman with 'neng kan
'; the ability to do anything she set her mind to. A woman
who commanded respect in the hearts of men. When she opened her mouth to speak,
precious pearls would fall out and men would listen.

She will not be like me, the woman prayed as she watched her daughter grow up
and drift away from her, speaking a language she scarcely understood.

 She watched her daughter transform from a quiet girl to one who openly defied
her, calling her laotu, old fashioned.... She wanted her mother to be 'modern',
a word so new there was no Chinese word for it.

Now her daughter was too clever for her and the old woman wondered why she had
prayed like that. The Gods had been faithful to her persistent prayer, but the
wealth and success that poured forth so richly had buried the girl's roots and
now she stood faceless with no identity, bound to the soil of her ancestors by
only a string of origami banknotes.

Her daughter had forgotten her mother's value. Her wants were so ephemeral, that
of a modern woman. Power, wealth, access to the best fashion boutiques and yet
her daughter had not found true happiness. The old woman knew that you could
find happiness with much less.

When her daughter left the earth, everything she had would count for nothing.
People would look to her legacy and say that she was a great woman but she would
be forgotten once the wind blows over, like the ashes of burnt paper
convertibles and mansions.

The old woman wished she could go back and erase all her big hopes and prayers
for her daughter now that she had looked out of the temple gates. She saw her
daughter speaking on the phone, her brow furrowed with anger and worry. Being at
the top is not good, the woman thought, there is only one way to go from there –

 The old woman carefully unfolded the plastic bag and spread out a packet of
beehoon in front of the altar. Her daughter often mocked her for worshiping
porcelain Gods. How could she pray to them so faithfully and expect pieces of
ceramic to fly to her aid?

But her daughter had her own gods too, idols of wealth, success and power that
she enslaved to and worshiped every day of her life.

 Every day was a quest for the idols, and the idols she worshiped counted for
nothing in eternity. All the wants her daughter had would slowly suck the life
out of her and leave her, an empty souless shell at the altar.

The old woman watched the joss stick. The dull heat had left a teetering grey
stem that was on the danger of collapsing.

 Modern woman nowadays, the old lady sighed in resignation, as she bowed to the
east bone a final time to end her ritual. Modern woman nowadays want so much
that they lose their souls and wonder why they cannot find it.

Her joss stick disintegrated into a soft grey powder. She met her daughter
outside the temple, the same look of worry and frustration was etched on her
daughter's face.

 An empty expression, as if she was ploughing through the soil of her wants
looking for the one thing that would sow the seeds of happiness.

They climbed into the convertible in silence and her daughter drove along the
highway, this time not too fast as she had done before.

‘Ma,’ Bee Choo finally said. 'I don't know how to put this. Mark and I have been
talking about it and we plan to move out of the big house. The property market
is good now, and we managed to get a buyer willing to pay us seven million for
it. We decided we'd prefer a cosier penthouse apartment instead. We found a
perfect one in Orchard Road
. Once we move into our apartment, we plan to get rid
of the maid, so we can have more space to ourselves...'

 The old woman nodded knowingly. Bee Choo swallowed hard.

'We'd get someone to come in to do the housework and we can eat out – but once
the maid is gone, there won't be anyone to look after you. You will be awfully
lonely at home and, besides that the apartment is rather small. There won't be
space. We thought about it for a long time, and we decided the best thing for
you is if you moved to a Home. There's one near Hougang – it's a Christian home
and a very nice one.'

 The old woman did not raise an eyebrow.

'I"ve been there, the matron is willing to take you in. It's beautiful with
gardens and lots of old people to keep you company! Hardly have time for you,
you'd be happier
 there. You'd be happier there, really.' her daughter repeated as if to affirm

 This time the old woman had no plastic bag of food offering to cling tightly
to, she bit her lip and fastened her seat belt, as if it would protect her from
a daughter who did not want her anymore. She sunk deep into the leather seat,
letting her shoulders sag and her fingers trace the white seat.

 'Ma,' her daughter asked, searching the rear view window for her mother. 'Is
everything okay?'

 What had to be done, had to be done.

'Yes' she said firmly, louder than she intended, 'if it will make you happy,'
she added more quietly.

 ‘It's for you, Ma! You will be happier there. You can move there tomorrow, I
already got the maid to pack your things.'

Elaine said triumphantly, mentally ticking yet another item off her agenda.

'I knew everything would be fine.' Elaine smiled widely; she felt liberated.
Perhaps getting rid of her mother would make her happier...

She had thought about it. It seemed the only hindrance in her pursuit of
happiness. She was happy now. She had everything a modern woman ever wanted;
money, status, career, love, power and now freedom without her mother and her
old-fashioned ways to weigh her down...

 Yes she was free. Her phone butted urgently, she picked it up and read the
message, still beaming from ear to ear.

'Stock 10% increase.'

Yes, things were definitely beginning to look up for her and while searching for
the meaning of life in the luminance of her hand phone screen, the old woman in
the backseat became invisible and she did not see her in tears.


Friday, 17 June 2011

tom tom bak penumbuk!

Rasa nak tumbuk muke kau. Pastu, tumbuk lagy. N lagy. N lagy. Lagy. Lagy. Lagy. lagy. Stop jup. Tarik nafas. Sambung tumbuk kau lagy. Dan lagy. Dan lagy. Tgk jam jup. N tumbuk kau lagy.. Tumbuk kau laju2.. Lagy laju. N lagy laju. Faham?

Sunday, 5 June 2011

Hello peeps! My entry this time is specially dedicated to my bestest friend in the whole wide world! Teka laa.. Teke laa.. PLISSS3..haha.. *gedikgedik* OK2... Its Afiqah Izzati Mazlan's birthday!!  This is her..

Semalam was a great experience! Sumpah ak xkn lupe...haha... Bhai, Kau dah bau bangkai. hahahahahahhaha.... Adeh... Siap bwk spare sume bende.. Mmg dah agk akn kene la eh?hikhik~ *likelike*  Paling xtahan, dga kau jerit laa... Mcm tgk cite hantu je care kau jerit. haha.... Ak dok kat kau pn rase nk muntah... Apatah lagy kau yang kene.haha.. Ak mmg ske kene kn org.. Mmg ak tggu je pukul 12... Mmg smart la Pizza Hut pn ttp pukul 12 kn... Kalau x, mmg harapan la kene kn kau mcm tuu..hehe... Jgn mrh eh zek... You're the best! (lege sbb time bdae nnt da xkeje kt pizza hut) LOL 
So kawan, this is for you~

Zek, Thanx for being my friend, my best friend, my teman bergosip, my teman banjir, my teman lepak, my teman study, my teman hang out, my driver, my listener..alaa.. Senang cite, everything a best friend would do..hehe.. Thank you! I wish you all the best in your future undertakings.. I'm sorry if I'm not being a good friend.. But I hope i do.. :) Sayang kau babe!

P/s: hadiah kau nnt ak bg ok! ehe!